Emerging

emerging

As I craft this, my debut blog post, I can feel it across my chest.  A tightness.  The voices are squeezing my heart, hoping I’ll feel so uncomfortable that I won’t find the courage to press the blue publish button.

Tight.  Tighter.  STOP.  Who do you think you are?  You don’t have all the answers.  You don’t have anything worthwhile to contribute here  . . .  I’ve been here before.  As a little girl, sitting in my classroom, still as can be, staring intently at the books on my desk, hoping, praying the teacher wouldn’t call on me to answer, to speak out.

Tight.  Tighter.  STOP.  You’re an accountant.  You are not a writer.  You are not a photographer  . . .  I’ve been here before.  The time I enrolled in a children’s book writing class, to quit after only one, maybe two, classes, because I am not creative enough for such endeavours.

Tight.  Tighter.  STOP. You don’t know exactly what you want to say and you definitely don’t know everything about hosting, platforms, themes, plugins, fonts, designs  . . .  I’ve been here before.  Overwhelmed.  Giving up on projects after agonizing endlessly over the details.  Like the kitchen left only partially painted, baseboards torn out, for what, five years now.

Tight.  Tighter.  STOP.  People will discover that you aren’t perfect . . .  I’ve been here before.  Struggling in my role as a new mother.  Sleep deprived.  Struggling with my son’s pain and resulting daily rages, school refusal and more.  Lost and confused.  Unable to ask for help because people would find out I’m not a good mom.

Tight.  Tighter.  STOP.  Who do you think you are?  You can’t do this . . .  I’ve been here before.  Too many times, and clearly, it’s a pattern.  I STOP.  Hold my heart tight.  Become quiet.  Become invisible. Lose myself.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Anais Nin

Enough is enough.  Today is the day.  Today, I break the pattern and I do not stop.  Today I honour my heart, my voice, my true self.  Tight.  Tightest.  Publish. 

long ago hidden
protected     invisible
            s l o w l y             emerging

~ a haiku by ME

15 Comments

  1. I found your blog through BFTH and left a comment for you there – but wanted to write to you here as well. I love your authenticy and your wisdom that flows through this post. May you continue to unlock those layers – unravel and find your true self – your true voice.

  2. Wow, congratulations, Katherine! Gorgeous post — so well said. And your haiku just puts a bow on it. congratulations, woman!

  3. Oh this is so good. Congratulations on pushing through and birthing this beautiful post. You were meant to share from your heart. Your haiku speaks truth. You are emerging with courage.

  4. Beautifully written and encouraging – I know that cutting off point all too well.
    thank you

  5. So beautifully written, honest and real. I said a little ‘yay’ when I got to the part where inspite of “tighter” you pushed the publish buttton. I think you’ll inspire others with your writing and sharing. :)

  6. Kat – Love Love Love your start..I was with you every step of the way…right to the moment when you pushed ‘Publish’. Thank you for being brave and doing it – your post is wonderful. You have SO MUCH TO SAY..and say it SO BEAUTIFULLY! (Including your Haiku – it’s beautiful!)
    xo

  7. Oh, I love this post. So much I read it three times.

    Beautifully written and a wonderful start to what lies ahead and I’m excited to read more…! :) Glad I started catching up with BFTH and clicked on your blog.

  8. The world is a better place with Pipkin Hollow! Thank you for sharing your inspiration!

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